You might be a Jedi redneck if...
Rednecks are not limited to Earth. They exist all across the galaxy, in many different forms. One example is Luke Skywalker, who must have been a redneck because he fell in love with his sister, Leia. But surely he isn't the only Jedi Knight who happens to be a redneck. So if you suspect the local Jedi of being a redneck, here's a few ways to tell.
You might be a Jedi redneck if...
- Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
- You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Jack Daniel's.
- You think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
- At least one wing of your X-Wing is Bondo colored.
- There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.
- You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
- You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok... without using the word "chicken".
- You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
- You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets
- A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.
- You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.
- Your master ever said "My finger you will pull..hmmm?"
- You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
- You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.
- The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters
- Wookies are offended by your B.O.
- You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
- You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
- You have ever used a lightsaber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
- Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
- You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingyto get the bar-b-q grill to light.
- The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.
- You have a stuffed womp rat anywhere in your home.
- You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate flag.
- More than half the droids you own don't function.
- The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q.
- You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married.
- You used a carbon-freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while on vacation on Hoth.
- Your moonshine is made on a real moon.
- You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.
- Sandpeople back down from your mama.
- You've ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DUI.
- You've ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at your accent.
- You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac.
- You've ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid.
- A Wookie has ever told you that you need to shave.
- You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while trying to light a cigarette with your lightsaber.
- You don't think the Ewoks are primitive.
- You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow.
- You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem.
- The Rancor monster refused to eat you.