Go ahead, blow it up

I never fail to find funny stuff on Steve Davis’s web sitethis one kept me up well past my bed time.

Let’s say you’re an evil genius (perhaps, only 36% evil as of the time of this post) and you want to make a big splash by destroying something.  You could aim small, like a cruise ship (see: Speed 2), or perhaps a small island in the Florida keys (see: True Lies) or even bigger, like the west coast of California (see: Superman).

If you are, however, truly truely evil and you want to make a really really evil name for yourself, destoying life on earth, even all life on earth, will not be quite enough.  You’ll need to set your sights much higher (think Darth Vader high): destroy the earth itselfSam has created a page examining some of the potential methods for destroying the earth and evaluated them for feasibility.  His page will prove invaluable if you are hatching your next big evil plan.

If, on the other hand, you aren’t evil but have a yen for science fiction and enjoy Douglas Adams-esque humor, you’ll find the site a fun read.

Lost in transition

UPS, FedEX, USPS… take note: if you can do a better job keeping track of packages than DHL I will insist that all shipments to me use your services.

I recently ordered three items from Dell computer… a pair of LCD monitors for me and my wife and a docking station for my wife’s laptop.  All three packages were picked up at identical times from Dell by DHL.  Two of the packages are identically-sized, the third very close in size.  All three packages are being shipped to the same location, my home.  Check out the shipping status table below and tell me if you can spot my frustration?

Date Time Activity/comments Location
Monitor 1 – Current status: Delivered
2/21/2005 2:13PM Shipment delivered.   San Jose South, CA
2/21/2005 2:13PM With delivery courier.    
2/21/2005 7:59AM Arrived at DHL facility.   San Jose South, CA
2/18/2005 3:42PM Picked Up by DHL. Shipper’s Door
Monitor 2 – Current status: Processed at Sort Facility.
2/20/2005 11:23AM Processed at Sort Facility.   Wilmington, OH
2/18/2005 3:42PM Picked Up by DHL. Shipper’s Door
Docking station – Current status: In transit.
2/18/2005 3:42PM Picked Up by DHL. Shipper’s Door

Every item was picked up from Dell by DHL at the exact same time on Friday.  Even though the box for the Dock is going to be a similar size to the monitor boxes, the Dock is 5 lbs and the monitors are 26 lbs… let’s give DHL the benefit of the doubt and expect the monitors will be traveling together.  No?  They’re not?  One arrived yesterday… 3 days ahead of schedule.

Okay, let’s give DHL the benefit of the doubt and expect they’ll get the same level of tracking detail.  Oops, sorry.  One package was tracked through a sorting facility in Ohio… the other simply showed up in San Jose with no intermediate stops. 

What about the dock?  It’s been “in transit” since the day it was picked up… no other detail is available… naturally.  Tracking number?  What’s that for?

“Hey Reeves, you got a package early, you should be happy.”

Well, sure, if I didn’t have a job and my wife wasn’t in school we could sit at home all week waiting for the packages to trickle in.  Heck, I’d be happy with a semi-accurate tracking of the packages so I could plan to be home to receive them.  Having no idea when the boxes will arrive is disconcerting.  Receiving the 3 orders over a random number of days is frustrating.  Knowing I ordered a stack of expensive computer equipment and the shipper is sloppy in tracking and handling it is annoying.  Calling DHL to suggest they be more consistent and getting the attitude of “hey, you got your package early, you should be happy” is infuriating.  DHL, that’s one step away from saying “hey, you got your package, you should be happy.”

DHL: From this day forward I’m going to insist all shippers use UPS, FedEX or USPS… and I will pay extra for the privilege of not using your sloppy service.

Monday media

A couple of e-mails slowed my progress on work this am…

A random vacation from reality sent by Ellie:

1) Go to http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/206373
2) Go to “watch this movie”, click on “without subtitles”
3) Enjoy the Romanian beats

A fascinating bit of science fiction sent around by Aditya:

In the year 2014, The New York Times has gone offline…